Thursday, August 23, 2007
there's a lot of things i wished to say but then my mind suddenly just went blank and can't think of anything to write....right now i'm more than happy with my life now....a simple and not complicated life....early morning receive a sms from someone i looking forward to sms me eariler....but the fact is even though she morning then sms me but i'm still more than happy lor....but how i wish she can care for me not as a normal friend but as a special and important person in her life....but that's so impossible....because i won't be changing myself completely just to make her needs in relationship....cause this kind of relationship won't be a happy one....imagine i now ask anyone of you to change for me to my liking....will you be happy to do so....it's just like taking away your habits and your life completely....that's why this kind of relationship or wooing will not be a happy one....what i'm going to say below might be very annoying or makes you think that i'm a totally bastard after reading it....but i have not much to care anymore....i just wanna speak out everything on my mind now....through my 20 years of life....i have been through 4 real relationship....woo countless of girls....but all fails because of my personalities....but one thing i realise till today....for all the girls i woo before....i realise in fact i don't really like them in the way of relationship term....but somehow i realise i just like the feeling of wooing girls and being together with them....maybe as most people will say i just like the thrill of wooing girls bah....but no matter what i do now i can't turn back my past and pay back to those girls i once woo before....and i know many of you who had read about what i just typed must be cursing me and scolding me thinking how come i'm this kind of person....for some reason....i realised my wrong and i don't ask for any forgiveness....because i don't deserved it....i decided to tell it out now is because i feel that it's make me feel very guilty and it's right that at least i say it out now then i can answered to my conscience....but how many of you will actually say "well....it's alright....at least you realised your wrong and it's not too late to change yet....don't worry we will not think bad about you but still treat you as our good friend" to me....i doubt none....but whatever the case is....i really did like this girl from year 1 but now i have choosen to give up....not because she rejected me and i find that it will go no further if i continue to woo her....but is because her way of life is totally different from mine....she's a very devoted person to god but i'm not so devoted....everytime i'm together with her i feel so comfortable until recently i find that beside the topic on camps....there's nothing much we can talk about....i really wish to be the perfect boyfriend she's looking for but i can't....not because her expectation is too high....but because of how i feel when i went with her to church on sun....when everyone including her is opening themselves to god....all i did was just stand beside her and follow the singing and also listening to god's word....i felt so dumb, silly, clumsy, extra and helpless that i just feel like leaving the place....but what she did was to continue ask me to enjoy the whole service and even ask me to join her cell group after that....but i really glad to be with her for the past few outing lor....something i won't forget is the moment when i managed to hold her hand during one part of the service which is necessary....the feeling is just so right and her hand is so comfortable to hold on....
9:25 AM
