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Eric Tan Ze Sheng Y
free-thinker Y
21 going on 22(2009) Y
14.04.1987 Y
Temasek Polytechnic - Info-Communication Y
Msn/Friendster: eric86@hotmail.com Y

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hmm....recently quite down lar....not because of personal problem....but just felt guilty in some way....the response for camp 500 is not that satisfying....most of them said they don't want to join giving the excuse that they got japanese exchange on sat or they got work or something else....but the real reason behind it is they don't wish to bored out during the camp again....because of the bad memories they got during eeo camp....they find it boring and not so happening....till now i still very guilty about the fact that i didn't do my best but give them a big disappointment....somehow i the organiser should really take the full responsibility in this result....because i could have follow up or come out with the programme....but i just leave everything to my different department in charge....haiz....


today is the last day of MP-SIP and it will be holiday for me....but coming sat and sun we are to help out with our company in doing demo for the project at the IT show at suntec....somehow it will be interesting but yet we not sure what to do on the day also....beside my weekend are packed from now on....sat evening got church and sun morning got church as well....hope i can really have time to relax during my holiday....that's all for now bah....=)

3:26 PM

haha....today wake up quite early to wake up someone before went back to sleep again....but have to wake up at 8 cause going for service at 10....the second time i going for service le....but i really enjoyed going to city harvest church service more than other church....cause the the band simply just rocks and god's word been given simply touches bottom of my heart....so most likely will be going again next week....but this time i will be going for both sat and sun bah....have to see how first....as for cell group....dunno should join yufen one or my friend one....cause today met i think is my friend cell group leader....he's very friendly and he took my number so most likely he trying to pull me into his cell group or something....hmm....shall see bah....


after service went to have lunch with them at bedok hawker center....but because i got no appetite so i just ate a bowl of yam paste....after lunch we went separate ways....my friend they all some go study some go walk around slacking while my friend cell group leader going to parkway....for me i took a bus to my friend house to meet up for mahjong session at 2.30....today luck at the table was good and bad lor....good luck is at the start and the end of the game....bad luck is in the middle of the wind keep letting my friend win....after that because my ESC people they meeting up for dinner at chomp chomp....so we end our mahjong session very early today....super early than the usual session....so i took a cab down to chomp chomp....down there we keep saying about what's new in ESC currently happening now and also tell some funny stuff lor....after dinner head to hougang plaza to play pool....very long didn't play pool so my skill abit rusty lor....keep can't get the ball into the pocket....but overall today really is a very interesting day with all the interesting schedule i had arranged! cheer to my god! =)

11:56 PM

hmm....now the truth will be unveil....actually for my last few entry is all a lie....a lie that i said i will never trust anybody again....because i'm setting up a trap to test out someone....in the end that someone really fell into the trap....and now everybody is disliking that person....but a reminder to people reading my blog....


if you like someone, make sure you know what you want before you come to a decision to tell that person that you like about your feeling....most importantly don't get your friends drag into your problem and in the end make them feel like a fool....don't at one side you tell your friends you and the one you like can't be together but days or weeks later you two are together....you will make your friend felt like a fool all along....and also don't try to get into your loved one good book by backstabbing your friends....you will only make your friend hate you instead....


but the truth from me is....i still and always trust my friend in whatever secret i told them....that's because i must trust them first in order for them to trust me back....but my last entry is really real and deep down from my heart....not a single word is a lie....


but for the person that is reading my blog and you know i'm talking about you....it's time you wake up your idea why everybody is suddenly against you now....reflect on how much you had changed for the past 1-2 months....

11:15 PM

there's a lot of things i wished to say but then my mind suddenly just went blank and can't think of anything to write....right now i'm more than happy with my life now....a simple and not complicated life....early morning receive a sms from someone i looking forward to sms me eariler....but the fact is even though she morning then sms me but i'm still more than happy lor....but how i wish she can care for me not as a normal friend but as a special and important person in her life....but that's so impossible....because i won't be changing myself completely just to make her needs in relationship....cause this kind of relationship won't be a happy one....imagine i now ask anyone of you to change for me to my liking....will you be happy to do so....it's just like taking away your habits and your life completely....that's why this kind of relationship or wooing will not be a happy one....


what i'm going to say below might be very annoying or makes you think that i'm a totally bastard after reading it....but i have not much to care anymore....i just wanna speak out everything on my mind now....


through my 20 years of life....i have been through 4 real relationship....woo countless of girls....but all fails because of my personalities....but one thing i realise till today....for all the girls i woo before....i realise in fact i don't really like them in the way of relationship term....but somehow i realise i just like the feeling of wooing girls and being together with them....maybe as most people will say i just like the thrill of wooing girls bah....but no matter what i do now i can't turn back my past and pay back to those girls i once woo before....and i know many of you who had read about what i just typed must be cursing me and scolding me thinking how come i'm this kind of person....for some reason....i realised my wrong and i don't ask for any forgiveness....because i don't deserved it....i decided to tell it out now is because i feel that it's make me feel very guilty and it's right that at least i say it out now then i can answered to my conscience....but how many of you will actually say "well....it's alright....at least you realised your wrong and it's not too late to change yet....don't worry we will not think bad about you but still treat you as our good friend" to me....i doubt none....


but whatever the case is....i really did like this girl from year 1 but now i have choosen to give up....not because she rejected me and i find that it will go no further if i continue to woo her....but is because her way of life is totally different from mine....she's a very devoted person to god but i'm not so devoted....everytime i'm together with her i feel so comfortable until recently i find that beside the topic on camps....there's nothing much we can talk about....i really wish to be the perfect boyfriend she's looking for but i can't....not because her expectation is too high....but because of how i feel when i went with her to church on sun....when everyone including her is opening themselves to god....all i did was just stand beside her and follow the singing and also listening to god's word....i felt so dumb, silly, clumsy, extra and helpless that i just feel like leaving the place....but what she did was to continue ask me to enjoy the whole service and even ask me to join her cell group after that....but i really glad to be with her for the past few outing lor....something i won't forget is the moment when i managed to hold her hand during one part of the service which is necessary....the feeling is just so right and her hand is so comfortable to hold on....

9:25 AM

today very slack....but still got do some things during sip lor....hmm....now just concentrating on keeping my life simple and easy....the past complicated life is now forgotten and i'm living now with what i have now and treasure what i have now....and for those reading my blog....i won't be telling anybody any secrets anymore....because i wanna keep it forever a secret that won't leak out....if i tell someone....there's possibility that it might leak out one day....so my decision is to not tell anybody anything from now on....because i do not wish to attract any more gossip about me....for those thinking that i'm isolating myself....you can think whatever you wanna think because i can't change what you wish to think but the truth is i'm not going to trouble anybody with my thinking and i just wanna avoid all sort of problem that might arise....

below will be some pointer to those reading my blog about what kind of life i will lead now:

• i won't be calling, smsing or talking to anyone online unless got people come talk to me or i have something urgent to say or ask....
  
• if you wish to tell me anything about yourself then i will just listen only and maybe give advice to you....but i won't be interfering much so that i can avoid all sort of misunderstanding....
  
• my life will now be very simple....wake up, go school, eat, play and sleep....
  
• i won't wanna engage in any r/s for the time being....unless i really been touched by someone....
  
• i will just do what's within my job scope and not care about other things....because i don't wish to be a kpo and attract a lot of gossip....

8:02 PM

life is so contradicting and amazing nowadays....today can be a very happy day but next day can just be the opposite....saw quite a number of such cases recently and it also happen to me as well....not really say i very pessimistic about life nowadays....but life really is very unpredictable lor....one of my good friend from sec sch recently broke up with his gf....though he try to save it but it still didnt manage to save it....really feel sad for him lor....the last time i meet him together with his gf is during chinese new year when we met up for mahjong session....but really glad for him he's able to get over it and not think about it like what i always do....should really learn from him more lor....as for me....alot of things happen on me....but not going to mention about it in case it attract more gossip around me again....cos i know very well each time i very close to a girl....everybody will gossip about why i change target so fast....but the fact is....most of my friends are female and very little male....but why cant anybody actually understand me or ask me before they come to a conclusion but gossip and said bad things behind my back....


went to watch firework during the weekend and it's very nice....but the problem is it will be even better watching it with my loved one....can it be different next year? will i be able to watch with my loved one next year?

yesterday went to city harvest church to experience their service....it was amazing....didnt know their member size is that big and especially their band was awesome....really enjoyed the service and never regretted attending it....but the fact is i'm not able to really accept this kind of church life in such a short time....i need time to take one step at a time so i wont be joining any cell group that soon yet....but yesterday god's word really touched me....the speaker mention something meaningful that i really went to question my conscience...."you have to love your parent and yourself before you can go love your friends and the one you like....you have to treat always good before the god can treat you well"....

so for short term i will just make sure my life is good and not anyhow think....and also not interfere in other people business so much....because the more i interfere....i will be blamed for no reason....i rather stay out of trouble than get drag into the problem and let people gossip say i kpo for nothing....

8:16 PM